jizzle (gness) wrote,

just posted this to tumblr

one day i'll figure out how to get everything to post here too. i hate feeling like i'm neglecting this place. i've had it so long and i plan on keeping it.


confusion at every turn.

i feel as if i’m hurting so many people by only trying not to hurt myself.

i hate to think that the only way to be safe is to shut everyone out.

i don’t want to feel the way i feel but, i do.

all i can do is work on it.

i can’t worry about everyone and everything else all the time.

i blame myself for things that aren’t even remotely my fault or have anything to do with me.

right now happiness isn’t attainable. so i’m settling for simply trying to be a good person.

i wish i could remember every piece of advice. i swear i forget most of what she says when i walk out the door.

been finding it good to talk to old friends. fresh perspectives and helping hands make life feel a little easier to deal with.

all i asked for was honesty. all i got was lies.

being on the opposite end so much i should know exactly what to say but, i don’t.

i can’t be what anyone wants me to be.

all i can be is me.

right now i am fucked up. riding an emotional rollercoaster. easily intimidated and discouraged. anxiety ridden. weak, weary and fearful. unable to commit, love, or let go. unforgiving and not so forgetful. constantly stressed and still so very very angry.

this is not what i want to be.
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